Pretending
by Holly Bourne
Release Date: April 2, 2020
Publisher: MIRA
Standalone
Number of Pages: 416
Kindle Edition
Source: ARC from NetGalley and Publisher
Women’s Fiction
Rating: R
Read 11/14/20 to 11/18/20
ABOUT THE BOOK:
In this hilarious and heartbreaking debut novel perfect for fans of Fleabag, a woman struggling to move on after a traumatic relationship pretends to be “the perfect girl” in an act of vengeance that goes awry when she finds herself emotionally compromised.
He said he was looking for a ‘partner in crime’ which everyone knows is shorthand for ‘a woman who isn’t real’.
April is kind, pretty, and relatively normal – yet she can’t seem to get past date five. Every time she thinks she’s found someone to trust, they reveal themselves to be awful, leaving her heartbroken. And angry. Until she realizes that what men are really looking for is Gretel.
Gretel is perfect – beautiful but low maintenance, sweet but never clingy, sexy but not a slut. She’s a Regular Everyday Manic Pixie Dream Girl Next Door With No Problems.
When April starts pretending to be Gretel, dating becomes much more fun – especially once she reels in the unsuspecting Joshua. Finally, April is the one in control, but can she control her own feelings? And as she and Joshua grow closer, how long will she be able to keep pretending?
Pretending: A Novel
Holly Bourne
On Sale Date: November 17, 2020
9780778331506, 0778331504
Trade Paperback $17.99 USD
416 pages
MY REVIEW:
This is an extremely emotional book. April feels as if she’s a bit crazy, but I don’t agree. April is so much like the average woman who is made to believe she’s crazy because she doesn’t fit in an easy mold of one specific thing. The thoughts April has running through her head, whether it’s just before having sex or sitting and watching Dawson’s Creek, are so real. In fact, they are so real that I think a straight cis man would think there’s no way women think these things. That’s how far this author goes into April’s thoughts.
As I said at the beginning, this is an emotional story. In April’s past is a very abusive relationship, emotionally and sexually. So be warned if these are things you need to avoid for your own mental health. This story is April’s mental health journey. At least part of it. One of the interesting things the author did was to pick up this story a couple of years post-relationship. I appreciate her showing that these issues do not just go away over time. In fact, if you try to ignore your trauma it often just gets worse. April’s struggles are coming to a head, and it’s not pretty.
There were many times in this book where I wanted to be mad at April. I wanted to dislike her and yell at her and leave her in the dust. But I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. While she does some terrible things, all the things she does make sense due to her past and the things she sees daily in her job. You see, April decides to have some revenge on men. That’s over simplifying things, but the easiest way to explain what she does. The problem is, you can’t really have revenge over every man in the world. So she narrows it down and picks one at random. Only, Joshua seems like a legitimately nice and decent guy. That’s where I end up having my issues with April. Again, I wasn’t able to ever get truly upset with her. As much as I love Joshua, I understand April’s blindness to the true goodness of any straight male.
This is a difficult read. Not because it’s bad, but because the writer really delves into some uncomfortable things. I’m purposely not going into too much detail because I don’t want to give anything away, and I think you need to take April’s journey with her. From start to finish. It’s the best way to really understand her for yourself.
4.5 stars
**I received an ARC of this book courtesy of Net Galley and the publisher. All opinions expressed in this review are my own and given freely**
EXCERPT:
I hate men.
There, I’ve said it. I know you’re not supposed to say it. We all pretend we don’t hate them; we all tell ourselves we don’t hate them. But I’m calling it. I’m standing here on this soapbox, and I’m saying it.
I. Hate. Men.
I mean, think about it. They’re just awful. I hate how selfish they are. How they take up so much space, assuming it’s always theirs to take. How they spread out their legs on public transport, like their balls need regular airing to stop them developing damp. I hate how they basically scent mark anywhere they enter to make it work for them. Putting on the music they want to listen to the moment they arrive at any house party, and always taking the nicest chair. How they touch your stuff instead of just looking; even tweak the furniture arrangement to make it most comfortable for them. All without asking first—never asking first.
I hate how they think their interests are more important than yours—even though twice a week all most of them do is watch a bunch of strangers kick a circle around a piece of lawn and sulk if the circle doesn’t go in the right place. And how bored they look if you ever try to introduce them to a film, a band, or even a freaking YouTube clip, before you’ve even pressed Play.
I hate their endless arrogance. I hate how they interrupt you and then apologize for it but carry on talking anyway. How they ask you a question but then check your answer afterward. I hate how they can never do one piece of housework without telling you about it. I hate how they literally cannot handle being driven in a car by a woman, even if they’re terrible drivers themselves. I hate how they all think they’re fucking incredible at grilling meat on barbecues. The sun comes out and man must light fire and not let woman anywhere near the meat. Dumping blackened bits of chicken onto our plates along with the whiff of a burp from their beer breath, acting all caveman, like we’re supposed to find it cute that we may now get salmonella and that we’re going to have to do all the washing up.
I hate how I’m quite scared of them. I hate the collective noise of them when they’re in a big group. The tribal wahey-ing, like they all swap their IQs for extra testosterone when they swarm together. How, if you’re sitting alone on an empty train, they always come and deliberately sit next to you en masse, and talk extra loudly about macho nonsense, apparently to impress you. I hate the way they look at you when you walk past—automatically judging your screwability the moment they see you. Telling you to smile if you dare look anything other than delighted about living with stuff like this constantly fucking happening to you.
I hate how hard they are to love. How many of them actually, truly, think the way to your heart is sending you a selfie of them tugging themselves, hairy ball sack very much still in shot. I hate how they have sex. How they shove their fingers into you, thinking it’s going to achieve anything. Jabbing their unwashed hands into your dry vagina, prodding about like they’re checking for prostate cancer, then wondering why you now have BV and you still haven’t come. Have none of them read a sex manual? Seriously? None of them? And I hate how they hate you a little just after they’ve finished. How even the nice ones lie there with cold eyes, pretending to cuddle, but clearly desperate to get as far away from you as possible.
I hate how it’s never equal. How they expect you to do all the emotional labor and then get upset when you’re the more stressed-out one. I hate how they never understand you, no matter how hard they try, although, let’s be honest here, they never actually try that hard. And I hate how you’re always exhausting yourself trying to explain even the most basic of your rational emotional responses to their bored face.
I hate how every single last one of them has issues with their father.
And do you know what I hate most of all?
That despite this, despite all this disdain, I still fancy men. And I still want them to fancy me, to want me, to love me. I hate myself for how much I want them. Why do I still fancy men so much? What’s wrong with me? Why are they all so broken? Am I broken for still wanting to be with one, even after everything? I should be alone. That’s the only healthy way to be. BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE ALONE. I hate men, that’s the problem. GOD I HATE THEM SO MUCH—they’re so entitled and broken and lazy and wrong and…and…
Hang on…
My phone.
HE MESSAGED BACK!!!
WITH A KISS ON THE END!
Never mind.
Forget I said anything. It’s all good.
Excerpted from Pretending by Holly Bourne, Copyright © 2020 by Holly Bourne.
Published by MIRA Books.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Holly Bourne is a bestselling UK-based YA and Adult Fiction author and is an Ambassador for Women’s Aid. In 2019, she was an Author of the Day at the London Book Fair, and was named by Elle Magazine’s weekly podcast as one of “Six Female Authors Changing the Conversation in 2019”. Pretending is her US debut.
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